Afternoon tea party...

Photo by - Endevourme

Clean joy and clear sorrows. No cloud of unnecessory emotions, no fog of confusions. Just a steady, consistant, powerful existance.

Its so much fun to be alive, isnt it? :)

Mirrored in dreams...

Photo by - Endevourme
If you dont know what you are missing, then you wont miss it.
- Doris Lessing

...and the more you dream, the more you know what you are missing.

Happy 2008...

Photo by - Endevourme
I wish all my blogger friends a very very very very happy new year 2008 !!!
May all your beautiful wishes come true :D!!

Designed in genes...

Photo by - Endevourme
Small n tender life, dancing in the blue.
Destined to succeed with iron will to rise.

Looks up at the blue sky and wonders which blue is original.
Making a statement, bold and clear,
"If i dont have right to exist, nothing else has."

It calls me towards itself, smiling, a complete, open, confident smile,
for an embrace, so pure and warm that i fear i might suffocate.

Reality so much like untrue, that my dreams look faded.
and I find myself smiling, a smile of knowing.
Its an echo, an answer ... of one blue to another.

5 people & 4 lifejackets(sitting in desert)

Photo by - Endevourme
What is the meaning of life?I have been searching searching and searching answer of this and consequently getting more and more confused. Is it happiness, love, self realization, self actualization(whats the difference? why cant they make it simple?)spiritual self-identification, etc etc
anyway...here is a good one from Ludwig Wittgenstein -
What is the meaning of life?
Expressed in language, the question is meaningless. This is because "meaning of x" is a term in life usually conveying something regarding the consequences of x, or the significance of x, or that which should be noted regarding x, etc. So when "life" is used as "x" in the term "meaning of x", the statement becomes recursive and therefore nonsensical.

3 monkeys & a coin of gold...

Photo by - Endevourme

I dont know what wishes will come true or whether they will come true at all. i am feeling hopeless. sad. feels like its final. dont know whether i will survive till the end. hopes, they carried me till here but now i am losing patience, desire, and will to go on like this. maybe its not worth, living like this. it always seemed wrong somehow from the beginning. now i dont want hopes, i dont want omens, i want results. give me answer of wrongness, why?is it really good to be so much self sufficient? i feel like a blind man, walking... searching....afraid. there is so much uncertainty. i am tired of being blind. want to see. tired of imagining. it just doesnt satisfy me. what had i done to get this? do i deserve this?

'Some random exerpt from my diary, i dont know the exact date. These are the times when i hide and think and recover. Now-a-days i rarely feel like this, erlier it was quite often. Life too strong to get drowned in this small pond of sadness :D!!'

Thank you...

Photo by - Endevourme

Thank you so very much to all my blogger friends who visit this blog and who helped me to keep this blog going and spared time to put their valuable comments. As i see from hit counters there are lot of steady unknown visits of people who come here but dont comment. So my sincere thanks to all unknown people who are connected to me in this blind way. Even though i am dangerously self sufficient, i really need motivation to keep this blog running.

Cheers! and say 'yes' to life :D!!

- 'E'me

When nature is happy...

Photo by - Endevourme
Thank you dearest GOD for creating this beautiful beautiful beautiful earth. If i have seen you in any form then its this. If i believe that you exist is because i exist and because this beautiful earth exists.

I actually wanted to write about nature, which i love the most. But as i was afraid i run out of words and finally sat blankly staring at the monitor. Nature's beauty is something that really makes me numb, helpless and i struggle for words. Best not to say things which cannot be said but only felt and understood.

Purple Glow...

Photo by - Endevourme

I want to give this flower to PurpleGlow, one of my friends who was there when no one was with me. Dont know where you are now, but i will always remember your friendship and your words, 'when in a crisis, deal with one thing at a time, it will be OK, things will be fine, you will survive'

Phoenix...

Photo by - Endevourme

Rising from ashes....phoenix...

Happy Diwali...

Photo by - Endevourme
Happy Diwali to all my blogger friends :D!!
May this year fill your life with beauty and happiness...and may all your wishes come true!!!

Grey...

Photo by - Endevourme

Time heals and time makes us to forget and makes us feel that what was lost yesterday was not really much important. Or maybe nothing matters really. Most important thing is to accept all and be at peace.

The One...

Photo by -Endevourme

I existed before you did, i will exist after you are gone.

I materialize the beauty that you see. I realize the power that you have. I keep the flow and i make it to stop. I create, i distroy and whatever is being created and destroyed are just different forms of me.

I am the omnipotent, the one, the first and the final truth.

Fly high...

Photo by - Endevourme
Fly high...cause 'flying low' doesnt sound as good.
Fly high...cause there is very less traffic up there.
Fly high...so that everyone can see you when you are alone.
Fly high...cause everything looks good when you are at a distance.
Fly high...cause you can always come down and relax.
Fly high...cause nothing can come between you and a sunset.
Fly high...cause thats why you 've got wings.
Fly high...cause thats when you realize there is someone still higher.

Mixed up!

Photo Courtesy - Google

When nature speaks with colours...

Rise n shine...

Photo by -Endevourme

Never forget how to smile, how to laugh and how to be happy. And never feel guilty about feeling so.

Life in parts...

Photo by - Endevourme

Yes i know and i havent forgotten, "The woods are lovely, dark and deep; but I have promises to keep and, miles to go before I sleep".
But the woods are too lovely, too dark and too deep and they make me stop and wander and feel so rich. Yes, i wont forget the promises i have to keep but still, i will keep my eyes open to see the woods because they are so lovely, dark and deep.

Friends...

Photo by - Endevourme

Friendships dont obey rules of mathematics. One plus one is more than two and one minus one is less than zero.

Complex...

Photo by - Endevourme
Life is vast. Life is complex.
But...still...sometimes....even complex things can be beautiful.

My current bearings...

Photo By - Endevourme

Life is centered around four things...

experiences, feelings, knowledge & expression...

Sleeping...

Photo by - Endevourme

Breathing slowly, relaxed n calm...

Interwined...

Photo by - Endevourme

Creeper clinging to grass...

Being together...

Is love like this?

Or is it being so close that there is no need to be together. Always knowing when the other heart beats and always knowing, when it is hurt. Two grown up souls who realize that the most important thing is to feel what the other one feels and that whatever might happen, life still rocks.

Shades without colours

Photo Courtesy - Google
Who told eyes cant speak?

Innocence

Photo Courtesy - Google

Innocence and freedom, go hand in hand.

Wah Taj

Photo Courtesy - Google

And again there was a campaign, 'Vote for taj'. Help it to come in top 7 wonders of the world. But I didnt vote. You know why? Damn, I dont care about people.
My Taj is the best, and I dont need a stupid public poll to prove that :)

Drowning

Photo Courtesy - Google

I want to stand right there on that bridge, then throw a rope down and save him.

Setting sun

Photo Courtesy - Google

Golden moments,
More valuable than gold :)

Pearls on green

Photo Courtesy - Google

I want those pearls, and the flowers too :)

My dream place

Photo Courtesy - Wiki
I wish to be here. I got this pic from endevourme. He says this is mangalore. I have been to lot of places. I have spent almost five months for vacations in europe and few months in africa with my uncle. But the places that i really enjoy are Egypt and ofcourse India. After seeing everything I know really that India is !ncredible really :)

Seasons gone...

All Photos - Endevourme

Memoirs of last rainy season.

So much i have changed in this one year. And now these pics seem so remote to me. I wonder whether it was really me who took these and whether i was really present there at all. I feel so transparent, i pass through unhurt and indifferent. I just exist, with the wind, with the rains, with the sun and to do nothing but just breathe. Like Ayn Rand says "Feels like nothing significant happened because nothing significant ever happened on earth." But it feels so serene. To be calm, unhurt and innocent.

Silent...

Photo by - Endevourme

Reflecting silently...endevourme...

Smiling buddha - part II

Photo courtesy - Google

My version of smiling buddha :D

I smile a lot and i smile naturally, i mean very few times i force myself a smile. When i was a kid, my first set of teeth was very bad. I used to look really funny when smiling. But finally i got good teeth like my mother has. Have you ever seen a sweet girl in bangalore with loong silky hair, cool dark black eyes and traditional clothing?

If she is smiling then may be its me!

When i first saw this picture, to my surprise, i found myself smiling!

How about you? How often you smile?

...

Photo by - Endevourme

Some selected quotes of Ayn Rand -

The only power any government has is the power to crack down on criminals. Well, when there aren't enough criminals, one makes them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking laws.

Force and mind are opposites; morality ends where a gun begins.

Every man builds his world in his own image. He has the power to choose, but no power to escape the necessity of choice.

Do not ever say that the desire to "do good" by force is a good motive. Neither power-lust nor
stupidity are good motives.

A government is the most dangerous threat to man's rights: it holds a legal monopoly on the use of physical force against legally disarmed victims.

The smallest minority on earth is the individual. Those who deny individual rights cannot claim to be defenders of minorities.

God... a being whose only definition is that he is beyond man's power to conceive.

Evil requires the sanction of the victim.

So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of all money?

It only stands to reason that where there's sacrifice, there's someone collecting the sacrificial
offerings. Where there's service, there is someone being served. The man who speaks to you of
sacrifice is speaking of slaves and masters, and intends to be the master.

Achievement of your happiness is the only moral purpose of your life, and that happiness, not pain or mindless self-indulgence, is the proof of your moral integrity, since it is the proof and the result of your loyalty to the achievement of your values.

Achieving life is not the equivalent of avoiding death.

To say "I love you" one must first be able to say the "I."

Making curry...

Photo by - Endevourme
We eat curry, all of us do. If you dont then probably you live a life where everything is different and whatever i am writing may not make sense to you.
The world we live in has lot of people. Too many of them. Some of them know how to prepare curry and only few can make a tasty one. To make a tasty curry you need to get the formula right. You need vegetables, you need spices, you need salt etc etc. And you need the right proportion.
There are some good things about the world we live in. One of such good things is that the principle of proportion which works for curry, also works for our life. Instead of vegetables, spices n salt etc we have family, career, god etc etc and remember that proportion and balance is more important than the ingredients themselves.
Amazingly, its very easy to make bad curry than a good curry and also that these days nobody wants to do easy things. And also if few people can make good curry then few people can make good life. Check others, if their curry is spoilt then may be you have a good chance. There is something more special about curry. Smaller the quantity better the taste. So prepare your curry only as much as you need. Dont overdo. And dont take everything seriously as overcooking your curry also spoils it. Already feel that your curry is spoilt? doesnt matter cause very few people make it better than you have done and few people have life worth calling life.
When i started making my curry i had something in mind but it went bad somewhere but i did some manipulation and now its some different kind of curry. But its tasty. Tastier than what i had in mind when i started making it. And it was fun. It wouldnt be fun if we start with a formula and everything goes smooth isnt it? it would be so predictable and boring, like cooks in hotels, they make tasty food but they hardly like it. I think being cook is like being god, its so boring being god. And yes, taste is what we want isnt it? how easily we forget that our main aim in life is to be happy!

Waking Up...

Photo by - Endevourme

I am waking up...bit by bit...to reality.
And it is much much better than what i had imagined.

Committed...to life

Photo by - Endevourme

We keep running for many things in life thinking that what we are doing is correct. And then after some time we feel that no this is not enough its not taking me anywhere and i am just not happy. And then we look inside and we think spirituality is the key and we start running behind beliefs and theories. But again we are running. Running...running...running...
i too did the same. i was running because others were running. i knew that nobody else is happy but no i didnt want to listen and i kept going and going. Somewhere down the line i was exhausted i was dead tired and i stopped. Then i looked back and found that i was much more happy at the place i began and i was just being so stupid running all this time. May be...purpose of life is just life and nothing else and just because we need some drama, we keep looking for some other purpose in life. The happiest person i have seen in my life was my great-grandmother and she was happy because she was always fully commited to life. When i stopped running and became more involved in life i am finding that yes this is what i wanted and the most courageous and purposeful thing is to face and accept life as it is, to accept neither positively nor negatively but as it is. We love nature, why because its so full of life, its so juicey, so involved and so committed. There is so much love and so much power. Its real cause real love is never weak, its always strong. Powerful, nurturing and self sufficient.

In a soldier's mind...

Photo by - Endevourme

Once again i want to stroll along those lanes,
the green fields, the cool air, with fallen leaves rustling below our feet and birds chirping their sweet nothings...
one more time...just one more time...i want to call your name and see you turn to look at me, the sparkle in your eyes and sunshine on your face and live forever in that complete moment.
With all the warmth and life in my eyes, i long for you,
...behind enemy lines...for the one waiting for me in the green fields beyond...
so much i miss you...

Buddha...same smile, a different face...

Photo by - Endevourme

Times change, faces change but the smile remains the same.
All that we want...is peace.

Smiling buddha...

Photo by - Endevourme

The clock keeps ticking.

Sun rises and it sets.

Seasons come and seasons go.

There is birth and there is death.

Things are created, things are distroyed.

But between this creation and anhilation, life celebrates.

Buddha knows ... and thus he smiles ...

Lead lady

Photo courtesy - Van Heusen

When I was young they told me to sit straight. To sit still, To sit in a corner, To sit with my legs together, To sit with my legs crossed, To sit demurely, To sit with my shoulders squared, To sit with my chest out, To sit with my head down, To sit quietly, To sit so as not to attract attention, To sit with the girls, To sit in a row, To sit on the back seat, To sit and not to stand, To sit because others were sitting, To sit and just listen.
Now , Nobody sits till I do.

This is Van-Heusen ad in Times of India. Many things apply to me except the last one because I am still very young. The Lead Lady in my family is still my grandmother. After independence things have changed a lot. Fortunately grandpa kept the business running even after losing estates to the government. He keeps me asking 'why you have to work there?'. Its not that I am needed there as business is handled by dad n brothers. But some day I will have to go back to 'The Family' but as of now, enjoying freedom :-)

And it rained

Photo courtesy - Google

Yesterday evening it rained and it poured. I even managed to get wet.
We have no electricity at home, hope it comes back in time.

But despite all clutter it brings, i love rains. How about you?

Warmth...

Photo by - Endevourme

Please forgive me if you dont understand this post.
More than six months have passed after i wrote this. And I am realizing that there can be many more dimensions to confusion. Life has started coming nearer and nearer to me but its also becoming more and more strange. Things which were too obvious to me have started looking like preplanned coincidences. There is too much change and too much warmth surrounding me. So i am afraid. Life has become like a drawn bow, I fear that it will fall apart. There is a soft tension, like a taut string. And it vibrates. I can almost feel its sound running on in the background. Till now i considered my life as normal but seems it was not. There was still much more activity going on in the background always, for me. And now i am just becoming aware of it. Life has always supported me, for basic need, that of survival.
But this goodness sometimes stays remote from me. It stands away and just stares at me and then my heart pains. I feel like a child away from its mother. It erodes me, like waves of ocean taking out land, bit by bit, eating it away. But may be that is what life wants from me. To erode away things which are not real.

Life supports life, and i think i am realizing it.

Still waiting...

Photo Courtesy - Google

People see GOD,
in a grain of sand...

I found GOD,
in a drop of water...

Waiting...for rain

Me to myself...

Photo by - Endevourme

I want to go, far far away. Dont know where. When you will read this, I would have already gone. Wanted to go away, always, away from you. You are a fool. A very sweet stupid fool. You loved me, cared for me, did so many things for me. But I have to go. This was a game. I started it and always took it as a game. But you were a fool, a sentimental fool. You played honestly maybe too honestly. But i pretended. Always. Now my heart is heavy but understand me. Its necessory that I quit, cause i dont want to fool you anymore. I know you will break down, cause I know you are nothing without me. But I have to go, because I am not you, I never was. You fooled yourself. And I know you will forgive me, cause you know I will be free and I will be happy. Isnt that what you always wanted? Always. Love is like that. Complete in itself. So dont cry, remember its just end of a game, a stupid foolish game.

Aiming high

My idea of perfect lifestyle is old fashioned,
but thats the way i am.

Lucky me

I want to be...

that girl at the top.

Ants

My dreams

and Me