City Life...

Cool breeze...tired mind....relaxing...















Memories...
















There is a vast open blue sky....
















Life unmanifested.... strongly positive, strangely familier but still unknown...

















All Photos - Endevourme

Autumn...

Photo by - Endevourme

The only source of light in the room was casting a long shadow on the wall ofher bedroom, where she sat in a corner dabbing the wound on her forehead and her lips, which were the result of her struggle with a man. Her clothes were torn and her face was stained with dried tears mixed with blood. She was shivering and the only sound in the room was the sudden outbursts of sobs. She was unable to make up her mind on what should be her next step. Was she supposed to tell the landlady about what had happened that night in her bedroom or was she supposed to dispose off the body of the man in her room and behave as if nothing had happened?Slowly she got up from where she was sitting and walked towards the body that lay in the center of her room to check whether the man was actually dead. The man was lying motionless on the floor for a long time. She had done nothing to kill him but who would believe her? The man had tried to force himself on her, beating and biting her and she had just pushed him and he had stumbled and banged into a table, the corner of which was responsible for a sharp wound at the back of his head.He collapsed on the floor and lay there still, for a long time. When the girl moved closer to him she saw blood oozing out from the wound at the back of his head. She knelt down near the body to feel his pulse but suddenly the man moved and pounced on her. He was now on top of her. He punched her hard in her face and then removed a knife from the pocket of his trousers........

......from Autumn - The last leaf written by one of my friends Arti ( D Poetess).

(Ya, I have friends which are authors of books.........!)I have read this book and its nice. No i am not saying this because Arti is my friend.The book has suspence, drama and (comfortable) romance.
A bit about my reading habits,,, I read a lot, and to me reading comes before photography.Rather I read whatever scrap of paper or whatever intelligent characters in ink i see on the face of earth,from "To stop the train, pull chain",written in train to the paper which comes with bhel-puri.I am fast reader too, last book of 1200 pages in two weeks flat!
If you too want to read Autumn,either you buy it HERE
(No i am not getting any commission in this...)
orrrrr,
Our D Poetess is very humble so put a lot of 'maskaa' to D Poetess (as I did), make some intelligent deals with her, hoping that she will give it to you for free!
orrrr,
read her poetry on her blog as an easy option...

Questions...

Photo by - Endevourme

I love to travel. It gives a lot of time to think.
But last few days of travel has given me lot of questions.
Life is changing , good thing is it is changing for better. So with this change, questions too have changed....

We think, we believe in our thoughts, our emotions,
but what if all this thought foundation turns out to be untrue?
Why is that sometimes i can see things crystal clear, while some other times my vision is clouded?
Was it really a good decision to postpone some of my desires just to keep up my mental balance?
Is it correct that i ignore my wounds, just giving them time to heal by themselves?
Why i connect to nature, music and people easily when i am sad?
Why i feel more balanced, more sane, more composed when i am not happy?
Is it correct to be happy, when i am away and disconnected from my family?
Why i am so merciless to myself?
Why doesnt it hurt, when i purposefully manipulate my emotions?
Isnt family as important as food, shelter, and clothing? if it is, why dont i feel so?
In KanakaDurga temple, why did i pray for others, when probably my own problems are bigger than theirs?
and in Tirupati, i didnt pray at all saying, "HE knows everything...."
Why now-a-days tears just refuse to come when i need them?
Why is that when i see others happy, i become more happy than they are?
Is it correct to be happy with bare minimum needs like good food and a place to live?
Is it correct not to dream, saying that expectations give pain later?
Why i am afraid of my own self when i am alone?
Why i am unhappy, when i am not happy? why i dont feel "nothing"?
Why i am extremly sure and clear of my priorities when my priorities are different than that of others?
What is the reason of the mental immunity and ruggedness that i have?
Why even if i am so emotionally fragmented, still so strong?

Mud...

Photo by - Endevourme

The sun had already started descending down. Slowly the blue sky was fading out into warmer, reddish shades."Three rupees...", he called out, looking at the red stock of tomatoes in front of him. Tomatoes...fresh, juicy and red.The rush hours of the market were over and sideby sellers were beginning to close down.Last year the market was good. Less tomatoes and more price. So this year as the weather was good, so he too planted tomatoes. It was too late to realize that everybody else had done the same thing. When he reached the market with the first stock, it was red everywhere. More tomatoes and less price.
He took out some water and gulped it, ready to call up again seeing a man coming towards him. "how much?", the man asked."3 rupees..."... The man turned around and went away. He sat down. The delicate frame of his younger daughter came to his mind. She had turned nineteen.The relatives had already been talking about finding a suitable boy for her. A marriage...a huge landmark to be crossed. A happy moment started feeling like a heavy load on his mind.He had experienced the burden once, when the elder one got married. Still he had to pay the debts. His house was at stake. "This time...may be if we can sell some of our land...", his wife had said.He shrugged his shoulders and wiped off his forehead.
"Two rupees...", he called out. With every other person coming towards him, his pulse used to grow faster,and every time hopes used to glitter in his eyes. The sky above was now showing last rays of light scattered across and soon everything was to plunge into darkness. He had to start soon to reach back his village now."How much for this?", a man asked. "Two rup...", his voice faltered. "Tomato one rupee...", somebody was shouting farther from the belly. The man went away. He sat down again. Cool breeze had started flowing from west, and whole day's standing in the sun had made him dizzy and now he could feel his pulse thumping in his head. Hardly anything was sold that day and now almost everything was closed. But still he sat there.Now the sky was almost dark and even the last rays of hope were shivering. "Come early...", his wife had said in the morning. He could remember her innocent, dry face, never complaining.She will be waiting now, he thought. Going home, meant he had to tell her about how the day had been, taking away her hopes, pushing her into the bitter darkness again.
"One rupee...", he cried out, looking at the man , wearing dhoti, coming towards him. The man came, took one tomato in his hand and kept staring at it. "four annas? i will take more....", the man said. He was agitated. He took a breath and said "eight annas...not less than that", trying to look as firm as possible.The man looked up at him, put down the tomato and started to leave."eight annas......", he cried. It was loud, and the man turned back, looking at him."go, go away....dont come here....", he cried again waving his hands."four annas...four annas...five paisa......five paisa....", he started laughing out shouting loudly.Suddenly with rage he dashed the tomatoes on the ground and with his feet he started smashing them.Soon it was muddy all over. He stopped, tightly clutched his head with his hands and sat down in that mud, tired.It was cold, the sky was completely dark now, and thousands of stars spread across were looking down, at the red mud...

Sanctuary...

Photo by - Endevourme

When i was a kid, we used to stay near main market in pune, the place is called mandai.It is a vegetable market but not a crowded one. Less stalls, less people.The old mandai has a marvellous architecture. It is built in stone and from the top it looks like a giant star fish.It opens from all the arms of the starfish, so you can enter inside from one arm and come out from another.This place has a particular smell. The atmosphere of being old.The pavements too are in stone, polished and smoothened due to people walking over them for years.The place has a cool feeling. Below the stalls there are small storages, if you peek into them, you cant see anything but you can feel the raw, damp smell of wood, vegetables and fruits. This I used to feel like a very secure place to hide.Dark place, where nobody can come and catch you.Often you can see pigions flying here, around glass windows and wooden pillars.Center of the building there are snacks shops, you can see loads of stallkeepers standing there and eating.I too used to go there and buy samosas, especially on sundays. Right at the centre there is a huge empty place,where all arms of starfish come together. The ceiling is quite high and you can see the blackening and dust saturated there over years, and big dense spider webs everywhere. But you can feel a quiteness and moreover, a huge stability,firmness of this rigid stone structure. I often used to come here for playing, with friends. It is here i used to dream of becoming a bowler, a doctor and much more which i could never become. Over the years the place has seen a lot. Ordinary people, a common man. His dreams, his hopes, his ambitions and his continuous struggle for living.I too grew up. I too joined this marathon of people. I may call this persuing my dreams,or maybe just another struggle for living.Now a days i dont find mandais, rather i go to fancy shopping malls. Now i get mixed in the crowds there but i cant relate to them. And i feel those people cant relate even to themselves. A crowd of empty people. But once in a while i do want to stop running and again sometime go the the place.Touch the stone and feel its smoothness. Again i want to see the dark stone ceiling. When i was a kid i had too look up, and even now too i have to look up.For this stone structure which has stood the test of time, I was small and will always remain small.It is a sanctuary of my memories keeping the warm afternoons of my childhood alive.

Unknown....

Photo by - Endevourme

Almost two years back....one fine evening we started from pune to hyderabad.Ours was a Qualis, it was 12 hours jeorney, and very soon after dark all others went to sleep. I was on the front seat with the driver, watching outside, thinking about chores of the next day, but soon my eyes too started becoming heavy. The highway pulls straight, alternating between barren lands, jungles and occasional small villages. He was driving steadily at the speed of 80, his eyes fixed on the road. We could clearly make out the road and sideby trees hanging on us.
"Highways are safe now-a-days no?", i said. He looked at me, "Really?", "yes, we hear very less tragedies on roads now", i replied. He smiled cynically, "Then i must show you something". I said,"ha?"."Put on your seatbelts", he said. As I did so, he slowly raised the vehicle to 100, looked in to the rear view mirror,took good judgement of the road ahead and ...
...he switched off the headlights...for almost 4 seconds....

.....it really took me a moment to register what has happened...then what i felt was absolute fear!it was absolutely dark...i could see nothing outside...literally nothing...and a chill of fear ran through my spine. I was instantly straight, cautious and fully awake...... my mind was instantly flushed of thoughts...the thrill brought me to intense present tense...clear to analyse the surroundings...but i could hardly see anything...i could hear rustling sound of leaves outside,sound of our vehicle..wroom...wroom......and its small movements up and down...i could feel fast wind gushing through the window...and..........a vast unfamilier land outside...a jungle....dark...strange......unknown........

...after the lights came, i felt like coming back to life again. Still the brief encounter with truth made me realize the false sense of security we have with our surroundings. We believe in our roads, assuming they are safe.We trust our vehicle, just a machine, after running it for over 1 lakh kilometers. As humans we live in a shell, constantly protected. But when something goes wrong do we have enough mental and physical strength to protect ourself? Nature is beautiful, but it is strange too. And we lack the sixth sense that animals have, a pure natural instinct, an ability to listen to surrounding and make out danger. Instant decision making, which can make a difference of life and death.
but...during that blackout... for a moment, i did feel a pleasure, a thrill, a deep sense of peace, a blankness, a tingling sensation...
After this incident also i travelled this road many times, but kept always in mind the respect and knowing - for the unknown....