Monday, December 25, 2006

Dry Flowers...

Photo by - Endevourme
My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all
the morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'd all be grey, but your picture on my wall
it reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad
I drank too much last night, got bills to pay
my head just feels in pain
I missed the bus and there'll be hell today
I'm late for work again and even if I'm there,
they'll all imply that I might not last the day
and then you call me and it's not so bad , it's not so bad
and I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you is having the best day of my life
Push the door, I'm home at last and I'm soaking through and through
then you handed me a towel and all I see is you
and even if my house falls down now,
I wouldn't have a clue because you're near me
and I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you is having the best day of my life
- Dido

Sunday, December 17, 2006

To A Butterfly...

Photo by - Endevourme
- Robert Longley

Sunday, December 10, 2006

the Bell...

Photo by - Endevourme


Then I went up the river, there i saw a temple.
The river was flooded and the temple was in water.
Above the water I could only see the bell.

I asked the river, What happened?,
She said,
When you are happy, the sun shines bright.
When you are sad, tears rain down the earth.
And you were so sad...

You have to understand,that you are important
and how you feel does make a difference.
if the sun shines too bright, earth will be a desert,
and if it rains too heavy, there will be a flood.
It is the balance and it is the change, that keeps going the circle of life.

I asked the bell, why are you here, when my GOD is in water?
She said,I am not just a bell, but I am your faith.

You have to hold me high,
so that the world has to drown, before drowning your faith...

Sunday, December 03, 2006

the way...

Photo by - Endevourme

I saw a lizard,
it came from the desert,
I asked, "What are you doing here in the lush greens?"

He said,
I am an omen sent for you,
I am here to tell you this,

"Nothing lasts forever, nothing is permanent.
Change is life and change is the way

So dont be afraid, even these days will go...

Even in desert there exists an oasis,
and even in lush greens a mind can be deserted...

....and even the desert was once the sea..."

Sunday, November 26, 2006

At Peace...

Photo by - Endevourme

Swordsmanship's first achievement is the unity of man and sword
Once this unity is attained even a blade of grass can be a weapon

The second achievement is when the sword exists in one's heart
when absent from one's hand
One can strike an enemy at 100 paces
even with bare hands

Swordsmanship's ultimate achievement
is the absence of the sword
in both hand and heart
The swordsman is at peace
with the rest of the world
He vows not to kill and to bring peace to mankind

- Jet Lee in the movie HERO

Sunday, November 19, 2006


Photo by - Endevourme

An idea is like a strange little mystical kid.
It stays in the corner all the day, idling, staring at us,
expecting that when the right moment comes,
we will seize it,play with it, hold it, flex it, bend it, topple it and in some or the other way love it.
When born, the ideas are miniature. Just a concept.
We nurture them, we love them. In some way they are expression of our own self.
We take care of them, improve them, teaching them according to our past experiences.
Initially, we are afraid to send them out into the open.
But they grow and mature. They become bold and like a proud parent, we push them into the big, bad world.
There they aquire life of their own. Then somewhere they get mixed up with other similar ideas and make friends, what we call as innovation.
They marry to ideas they feel they are comfortable with and eventually give birth to what we call the future.

Monday, November 13, 2006

grass n water...

Photo by - Endevourme
Some time back I read 'the Island Walkers', John Bemrose. Nice book.
Recently I read Iris Murdoch - 'The Green Knight' and 'the Bell'.
Both are amazing novels.
The characters seem so real...after finishing the book i couldnt grasp that they are just not real.

In The Green Knight, Moy, a teenage character, wants to be an artist.
She collects stones, she paints. She is sensitive, and so also vulnerable, delicate.
She lives in her own world, pretty similar to mine.

Somewhere in the novel she thinks -
Why do i collect stones...
Dont they also have their own destiny?
When i bring them home from the wild,
may be they miss the winds, the rains,
the dust, the grass.
Perhaps wild is their true home and other stones their friends,
do i have a right to interfere with their destiny?

Incidentally, at the end of novel Moy says -
when i turn 18, maybe i will go to India
where people believe that everything that exists has life
and every thing, though even small, is important...

well...may be thats why...i am in india... n i am happy :-)

Sunday, November 05, 2006


Photo by - Endevourme

Butterfly, oh butterfly, why do you hide in the shadows?
Spread wide your wings, let your heart sing
And come dance with me in the meadow

Butterfly, oh butterfly, why do you fear?
You'll never stray, I'll lead the way
Just follow the path, I'll be near

Butterfly, oh butterfly, have you no hope?
Drink of the sun, our life's just begun
Thro time's hills and valleys we'll lope

Butterfly, oh butterfly, dare you to dream?
On our hearts we depend, shall we follow the wind
And consign to the fates grander scheme?

---Sheri Walters

Monday, October 30, 2006

i, me, myself...

Photo by - Endevourme

Hi guyz :D!!

...i have nothing to write here...

Your suggestions are welcome...

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Satyamaev Jayate...

Photo by - Endevourme

A letter written by Abraham Lincoln to his son's teacher-

He will have to learn,
I know, that all men are not just,
all men are not true.
But teach him also that for every scoundrel
there is a hero;
that for every selfish Politician,
there is a dedicated leader...

Teach him for every enemy there is a friend,
Steer him away from envy,
if you can, teach him the secret of quiet laughter.
Let him learn early that the bullies are the easiest to lick...
Teach him, if you can, the wonder of books...
But also give him quiet time to ponder
the eternal mystery of birds in the sky,
bees in the sun, and the flowers on a green hillside.

In the school teach him it is far honourable
to fail than to cheat...
Teach him to have faith in his own ideas,
even if everyone tells him they are wrong...
Teach him to be gentle with gentle people,
and tough with the tough.

Try to give my son the strength
not to follow the crowd
when everyone is getting on the band wagon...
Teach him to listen to all men...
but teach him also to filter
all he hears on a screen of truth,
and take only the good that comes through.

Teach him if you can,
how to laugh when he is sad...
Teach him there is no shame in tears,
Teach him to scoff at cynics
and to beware of too much sweetness...

Teach him to sell his brawn and brain
to the highest bidders
but never to put a price-tag on his heart and soul.

Teach him to close his ears to a howling mob
and to stand and fight if he thinks he's right.
Treat him gently, but do not cuddle him,
because only the test of fire makes fine steel.

Let him have the courage to be impatient...
let him have the patience to be brave.
Teach him always to have sublime faith in himself,
because then he will have sublime faith in mankind.

This is a big order, but see what you can do...
He is such a fine fellow, my son!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Thats the way it is

I can read your mind and I know your story
and I see what you're going through yeah
It's an uphill climb, and I'm feeling sorry
But I know it will come to you yeah
So don't surrender 'cause you can win
In this thing called love

When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

When you question me for a simple answer
I don't know what to say, no
But it's plain to see, if we stick together
You're gonna find the way, yeah
So don't surrender 'cause you can win
In this thing called love

When life is empty with no tomorrow
And loneliness starts to call
Baby don't worry, forget your sorrow'
Cause love's gonna conquer it all, all

-Celine Dion

Monday, October 09, 2006

You are my sanctuary

Who needs the sun, when the rain's so full of life
Who needs the sky, when the ground's open wide
It's here in your arms I want to be buried
You are my sanctuary

Who needs a smile, when a tear's so full of love
Who needs a home, with the stars up above
It's here in your heart I want to be carried
You are my.......

Who needs the light, with the darkness in your eyes
Who needs to sleep, with the stars in the sky
It's here in your soul I want to be married
You are my.......

And the earth was void and empty
And darkness was upon the face of the earth
Is all of this pain so necessary
You are my.......

Surely whoever speaks to me in the right voice
Him or her I shall follow
As the water follows the moon, silently

- Madonna

Monday, October 02, 2006


Photos - Endevourme

“I was like a boy playing on the sea-shore, and diverting myself now and then
finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary,
whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me.”

-Sir Issac Newton

Wednesday, September 27, 2006


i took this few days back...

i found this yesterday...

Rings any bells.......?.........

Tuesday, September 26, 2006


I work in open environment. I prefer to handle people than the other way round.
Some situations are 'difficult'.I use reserved weapons for this, like - 'confusion'.

I imagine that all other people have intelligence of a 3 year old.
You have to play this like a game & drive them to confusion.

Say something and after two minutes change meaning of what you said.

Induce conflicts. Make vague statements.

Hop topics. Agree a concept and then fight against it.

Stare at people blankly.

Scribble strange numbers in your diary.

Make sounds like 'mmm' or 'hmmm...'.which can mean anything.

Tip for biginners -
If you are in a group,divide the group you are discussing into two parts.
Left side people, right side people.
For first 5 minutes agree to 'whatever' is said by lefts,
after 5 minutes agree to 'whatever' is said by rights.

It helps.


PS: Endevourme is occupied and will post soon. I have suggested him to write some spiritual stuff. u know he is good at that and i envy him for being so much mentally balanced.


I am a brainy person.
I manipulate people.

My intentions are always good, i never hurt them in doing so.

Emotional intelligence is God's gift, I utilize it 'properly'.
What is 'proper' is relative, so i find my own meanings.

After all,
if people dont know what is good for them,
a ruler is better than democracy...

Monday, September 25, 2006


Albert Einstein was a physisist, a mathematician, a thinker and lot more.
Ein-stein literally means "one stone".
Some of his quotes -

Everything that can be counted does not necessarily count; everything that counts cannot necessarily be counted.

A perfection of means, and confusion of aims, seems to be our main problem.

Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater.

A table, a chair, a bowl of fruit and a violin; what else does a man need to be happy?

God does not care about our mathematical difficulties. He integrates empirically.

Politics is for the present, but an equation is for eternity.

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts.

I do not know with what weapons World War 3 will be fought, but World War 4 will be fought with sticks and stones.

If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Keep on sowing your seed, for you never know which will grow - perhaps it all will.

Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.

Einstein was attacked by some with anti-Jewish leanings. When a pamphlet was published entitled "100 Authors Against Einstein",Einstein retorted "If I were wrong, one would be enough."

About uncertainty principle he said,"God does not play dice with the world".

Friday, September 22, 2006

My motto

Made weak by time and fate,

but strong in will,

To strive,

To seek,

To find,

and NOT to yield.

-Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Wednesday, September 20, 2006


hi guyz!
I showed my blog to one of my friends(?) Asmita.
She said i am not maintaining this place 'properly',and lot of 'creative things' can be put here.
We argued a lot, and it was decided that we will have a TT match,and whoever wins, will have the blog.
I LOST :-(
so now the blog belongs to her.I will be able to do posts here 'with her permission'.
she also happens to be one of my beeesssttt friend :D!!

Happy blogging!

Monday, September 18, 2006


I was at this beautiful place a few days back. Just a small trip.
The atmosphere was loving and nurturing.
Clear open blue sky, with small clouds floating around.
It was airy. I was literally gulping fresh wind. Watching trees, walking on grass.

There was a plane going high in the sky, leaving behind white line of cloud.
I could even see shadow of this line of cloud on real white clouds floating below.

I was really in sync with the atmosphere.
Wide, Open, Positive and Powerful...

This beauty made me surrender. Mind was really open and receptive, just like sky above.
Suddenly while looking at the sky, i felt an urge to say 'sorry'.
Firstly i didnt understand 'to whom' and 'why'.
Then i felt that....maybe....... i havent really forgiven myself.

Thursday, September 07, 2006


Photo by - Endevourme

4 years back. Our society is located outside the city. A society of independent houses with around 600 plots. Some people have built houses, but most of the plots are still empty. Once the so called manager of the society did some blunder with electricity bills, and put out electricity of our society for fifteen days.

After initial fighting-shouting, we were face to face with the problem. Managing life without electricity! No TV, no fans, no lights, darkness... Our problems started with television. We couldnt watch movies, favourite serials, mom couldnt see recepies, afternoon lunch time programs etc etc .Here I was on holidays, with nothing to spend my time. No lights, means mom had to cook diner in advance. We had to go erly to sleep, without fans, when mosquitoes are hovering around. Fortunately there was enough water, just we had to pull it out everyday from tank outside.
All these seeming like troubles lasted for around four days. After that we started getting used to this lifestyle. As there was no TV, we started talking more in our family. We started going more to our terrace, have walks there, chatting and talking. I picked up my old habit of reading. I started enjoying sitting in the corridor outside. Reading books, drinking tea or lemon juice. I started getting more aware of what was happening around, watching people passing by and observing everything around and also our neighbours as well.
Things started feeling more serene soon. Life gradually become slower. Slowly, with this, the noise levels in my mind were coming down too. I realized there were so many different kinds of birds that came around and realized how refreshing fresh air can be.
Darkness seemed a problem only initially, later to realize that sunight is unmeasurably better than electric lights. Natural soft light flowing through curtains, and it was like retuning to natural rhythm of day and night. We used to sleep erly at around 9 at night. No more watching TV at night and no artificial lights to burden our eyes. We used to communicate more amongst ourselves, touching new and fresh topics which we erlier missed somehow. This awareness and little bit of isolation from artificiality helped me focus more on what we had. Like i started to appreciate that we had enough water, and understood its value. Somehow if we get everything effortlessly, we dont appreciate what we get. We need a drama, and we create needs, virtual needs and we try to satisfy ourselves with them. We extend our needs from food,shelter,clothing to cellphone, PC, i-pod, TV, blogs, mails, onsite trips...the list is endless. We want what others have, or maybe we want what others want. We have become like flock of sheeps, dumb sheeps, they dont know where they are going, what they know is just to follow others. We create needs, maybe they satisfy us, but we need listen to ourselves when pleasure turns to dependency.
Yes, electricity, TV, cellphones etc are necessory, but these things have their own place. And they cannot replace other things which are more natural and more human, like communication in a family, and our connection with the surroundings. Maybe that is one reason why people in old times seem more serene and sane than we are.
Finally after some settlements the electricity came back....and i mentally thanked the person who invented the ON/OFF switch.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

City Life...

Cool breeze...tired mind....relaxing...


There is a vast open blue sky....

Life unmanifested.... strongly positive, strangely familier but still unknown...

All Photos - Endevourme

Friday, August 25, 2006


Photo by - Endevourme

The only source of light in the room was casting a long shadow on the wall ofher bedroom, where she sat in a corner dabbing the wound on her forehead and her lips, which were the result of her struggle with a man. Her clothes were torn and her face was stained with dried tears mixed with blood. She was shivering and the only sound in the room was the sudden outbursts of sobs. She was unable to make up her mind on what should be her next step. Was she supposed to tell the landlady about what had happened that night in her bedroom or was she supposed to dispose off the body of the man in her room and behave as if nothing had happened?Slowly she got up from where she was sitting and walked towards the body that lay in the center of her room to check whether the man was actually dead. The man was lying motionless on the floor for a long time. She had done nothing to kill him but who would believe her? The man had tried to force himself on her, beating and biting her and she had just pushed him and he had stumbled and banged into a table, the corner of which was responsible for a sharp wound at the back of his head.He collapsed on the floor and lay there still, for a long time. When the girl moved closer to him she saw blood oozing out from the wound at the back of his head. She knelt down near the body to feel his pulse but suddenly the man moved and pounced on her. He was now on top of her. He punched her hard in her face and then removed a knife from the pocket of his trousers........

......from Autumn - The last leaf written by one of my friends Arti ( D Poetess).

(Ya, I have friends which are authors of books.........!)I have read this book and its nice. No i am not saying this because Arti is my friend.The book has suspence, drama and (comfortable) romance.
A bit about my reading habits,,, I read a lot, and to me reading comes before photography.Rather I read whatever scrap of paper or whatever intelligent characters in ink i see on the face of earth,from "To stop the train, pull chain",written in train to the paper which comes with bhel-puri.I am fast reader too, last book of 1200 pages in two weeks flat!
If you too want to read Autumn,either you buy it HERE
(No i am not getting any commission in this...)
Our D Poetess is very humble so put a lot of 'maskaa' to D Poetess (as I did), make some intelligent deals with her, hoping that she will give it to you for free!
read her poetry on her blog as an easy option...

Monday, August 21, 2006


Photo by - Endevourme

I love to travel. It gives a lot of time to think.
But last few days of travel has given me lot of questions.
Life is changing , good thing is it is changing for better. So with this change, questions too have changed....

We think, we believe in our thoughts, our emotions,
but what if all this thought foundation turns out to be untrue?
Why is that sometimes i can see things crystal clear, while some other times my vision is clouded?
Was it really a good decision to postpone some of my desires just to keep up my mental balance?
Is it correct that i ignore my wounds, just giving them time to heal by themselves?
Why i connect to nature, music and people easily when i am sad?
Why i feel more balanced, more sane, more composed when i am not happy?
Is it correct to be happy, when i am away and disconnected from my family?
Why i am so merciless to myself?
Why doesnt it hurt, when i purposefully manipulate my emotions?
Isnt family as important as food, shelter, and clothing? if it is, why dont i feel so?
In KanakaDurga temple, why did i pray for others, when probably my own problems are bigger than theirs?
and in Tirupati, i didnt pray at all saying, "HE knows everything...."
Why now-a-days tears just refuse to come when i need them?
Why is that when i see others happy, i become more happy than they are?
Is it correct to be happy with bare minimum needs like good food and a place to live?
Is it correct not to dream, saying that expectations give pain later?
Why i am afraid of my own self when i am alone?
Why i am unhappy, when i am not happy? why i dont feel "nothing"?
Why i am extremly sure and clear of my priorities when my priorities are different than that of others?
What is the reason of the mental immunity and ruggedness that i have?
Why even if i am so emotionally fragmented, still so strong?

Wednesday, August 16, 2006


Photo by - Endevourme

The sun had already started descending down. Slowly the blue sky was fading out into warmer, reddish shades."Three rupees...", he called out, looking at the red stock of tomatoes in front of him. Tomatoes...fresh, juicy and red.The rush hours of the market were over and sideby sellers were beginning to close down.Last year the market was good. Less tomatoes and more price. So this year as the weather was good, so he too planted tomatoes. It was too late to realize that everybody else had done the same thing. When he reached the market with the first stock, it was red everywhere. More tomatoes and less price.
He took out some water and gulped it, ready to call up again seeing a man coming towards him. "how much?", the man asked."3 rupees..."... The man turned around and went away. He sat down. The delicate frame of his younger daughter came to his mind. She had turned nineteen.The relatives had already been talking about finding a suitable boy for her. A marriage...a huge landmark to be crossed. A happy moment started feeling like a heavy load on his mind.He had experienced the burden once, when the elder one got married. Still he had to pay the debts. His house was at stake. "This time...may be if we can sell some of our land...", his wife had said.He shrugged his shoulders and wiped off his forehead.
"Two rupees...", he called out. With every other person coming towards him, his pulse used to grow faster,and every time hopes used to glitter in his eyes. The sky above was now showing last rays of light scattered across and soon everything was to plunge into darkness. He had to start soon to reach back his village now."How much for this?", a man asked. "Two rup...", his voice faltered. "Tomato one rupee...", somebody was shouting farther from the belly. The man went away. He sat down again. Cool breeze had started flowing from west, and whole day's standing in the sun had made him dizzy and now he could feel his pulse thumping in his head. Hardly anything was sold that day and now almost everything was closed. But still he sat there.Now the sky was almost dark and even the last rays of hope were shivering. "Come early...", his wife had said in the morning. He could remember her innocent, dry face, never complaining.She will be waiting now, he thought. Going home, meant he had to tell her about how the day had been, taking away her hopes, pushing her into the bitter darkness again.
"One rupee...", he cried out, looking at the man , wearing dhoti, coming towards him. The man came, took one tomato in his hand and kept staring at it. "four annas? i will take more....", the man said. He was agitated. He took a breath and said "eight annas...not less than that", trying to look as firm as possible.The man looked up at him, put down the tomato and started to leave."eight annas......", he cried. It was loud, and the man turned back, looking at him."go, go away....dont come here....", he cried again waving his hands."four annas...four annas...five paisa......five paisa....", he started laughing out shouting loudly.Suddenly with rage he dashed the tomatoes on the ground and with his feet he started smashing them.Soon it was muddy all over. He stopped, tightly clutched his head with his hands and sat down in that mud, tired.It was cold, the sky was completely dark now, and thousands of stars spread across were looking down, at the red mud...

Thursday, August 10, 2006


Photo by - Endevourme

When i was a kid, we used to stay near main market in pune, the place is called mandai.It is a vegetable market but not a crowded one. Less stalls, less people.The old mandai has a marvellous architecture. It is built in stone and from the top it looks like a giant star fish.It opens from all the arms of the starfish, so you can enter inside from one arm and come out from another.This place has a particular smell. The atmosphere of being old.The pavements too are in stone, polished and smoothened due to people walking over them for years.The place has a cool feeling. Below the stalls there are small storages, if you peek into them, you cant see anything but you can feel the raw, damp smell of wood, vegetables and fruits. This I used to feel like a very secure place to hide.Dark place, where nobody can come and catch you.Often you can see pigions flying here, around glass windows and wooden pillars.Center of the building there are snacks shops, you can see loads of stallkeepers standing there and eating.I too used to go there and buy samosas, especially on sundays. Right at the centre there is a huge empty place,where all arms of starfish come together. The ceiling is quite high and you can see the blackening and dust saturated there over years, and big dense spider webs everywhere. But you can feel a quiteness and moreover, a huge stability,firmness of this rigid stone structure. I often used to come here for playing, with friends. It is here i used to dream of becoming a bowler, a doctor and much more which i could never become. Over the years the place has seen a lot. Ordinary people, a common man. His dreams, his hopes, his ambitions and his continuous struggle for living.I too grew up. I too joined this marathon of people. I may call this persuing my dreams,or maybe just another struggle for living.Now a days i dont find mandais, rather i go to fancy shopping malls. Now i get mixed in the crowds there but i cant relate to them. And i feel those people cant relate even to themselves. A crowd of empty people. But once in a while i do want to stop running and again sometime go the the place.Touch the stone and feel its smoothness. Again i want to see the dark stone ceiling. When i was a kid i had too look up, and even now too i have to look up.For this stone structure which has stood the test of time, I was small and will always remain small.It is a sanctuary of my memories keeping the warm afternoons of my childhood alive.

Friday, August 04, 2006


Photo by - Endevourme

Almost two years fine evening we started from pune to hyderabad.Ours was a Qualis, it was 12 hours jeorney, and very soon after dark all others went to sleep. I was on the front seat with the driver, watching outside, thinking about chores of the next day, but soon my eyes too started becoming heavy. The highway pulls straight, alternating between barren lands, jungles and occasional small villages. He was driving steadily at the speed of 80, his eyes fixed on the road. We could clearly make out the road and sideby trees hanging on us.
"Highways are safe now-a-days no?", i said. He looked at me, "Really?", "yes, we hear very less tragedies on roads now", i replied. He smiled cynically, "Then i must show you something". I said,"ha?"."Put on your seatbelts", he said. As I did so, he slowly raised the vehicle to 100, looked in to the rear view mirror,took good judgement of the road ahead and ...
...he switched off the headlights...for almost 4 seconds.... really took me a moment to register what has happened...then what i felt was absolute fear!it was absolutely dark...i could see nothing outside...literally nothing...and a chill of fear ran through my spine. I was instantly straight, cautious and fully awake...... my mind was instantly flushed of thoughts...the thrill brought me to intense present tense...clear to analyse the surroundings...but i could hardly see anything...i could hear rustling sound of leaves outside,sound of our vehicle..wroom...wroom......and its small movements up and down...i could feel fast wind gushing through the window...and..........a vast unfamilier land outside...a jungle....dark...strange......unknown........

...after the lights came, i felt like coming back to life again. Still the brief encounter with truth made me realize the false sense of security we have with our surroundings. We believe in our roads, assuming they are safe.We trust our vehicle, just a machine, after running it for over 1 lakh kilometers. As humans we live in a shell, constantly protected. But when something goes wrong do we have enough mental and physical strength to protect ourself? Nature is beautiful, but it is strange too. And we lack the sixth sense that animals have, a pure natural instinct, an ability to listen to surrounding and make out danger. Instant decision making, which can make a difference of life and death.
but...during that blackout... for a moment, i did feel a pleasure, a thrill, a deep sense of peace, a blankness, a tingling sensation...
After this incident also i travelled this road many times, but kept always in mind the respect and knowing - for the unknown....

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Pond of dreamz...

Photo by - Endevourme

Someday...i would like to climb mount everest and looking at the thick blanket of clouds below, see sunrise from the top
Someday...i would like to be a new born baby and start it fresh all over again
Someday...i would like to join back perfectly a broken glass
Someday...i would like to swim in the blue ocean and play with dolfins
Someday...i would like to fly like a bird on vast unending land, then cross borders without passport and visa, and think what i had lost and gained being human
Someday...i would like to go to the moon, point my finger towards beautiful earth and say "do u see that blue planet?.... you know i have been there..."
Someday...i would like to go straight, take left then go straight, take left go straight, take left go straight and then wonder how i reached the same place again
Someday...i would like to live in a jungle, get wet in rain and then drink hot fuming tea
Someday...i would like to grow very very old, and then sit in a chair and tell big...big...stories to small.. small.. children
Someday...i would like to sit relaxed in sand, sipping orange juice listening to the music of waves
Someday...i would like to become a crow and join weekly meeting of crows on our terrace, discussing about rain conspiracy, 'Yeh saajish hain boondonki...'
Someday...i would like to become a music director, deremix® 'oooo hoozoooooor...' and make a new album on gramophone
Someday...i would like to discuss with Albert Einstein about solution on corruption and see all his hair standing up straight
Someday...i would like to run alone in olympics, and win first second and third place at the same time
Someday...i would like to dive deep into ocean where Titanic sank and find the diamond necklace dropped by Rose
Someday...i would like to lie down below clear open black sky on a cold night with a blanket, counting stars, wondering how small we are...
Someday...i would like to find the key, open the door and run through vast open grass field and shout, 'i.... am...... free...'
Someday...i would like to know, why HE made me?...

Thursday, July 20, 2006


Photo by - Endevourme

Since when i can remember, we had pets in our house. Cats and dogs, that too in huge numbers. In my grandma's house, one day came a small cute cat. We liked her so much that we kept her , her daughter then and her daughter as well. During these three generations i learnt and understood a lot about them.The first one came when i was a baby. I dont even remember when she came and got mixed up with our huge combined family. She was black and white. I still remember playing with her, when i too was of the same size as hers. Often we kids used to pull her tail, touch and play with her kittens, but she never hurt anyone. Those baby cats were so sweet, we used to give them milk in a saucer and those small buddies used to get into the saucer and and go to sleep there. Apart from the pet-cats, some other cats used to visit our house. One of them even used to sleep on my bed. It is scary to wake up at night and find two round shining eyes of predator gazing at you.

We had a dog too, our own dog, moti. Not like foreign dogs we see now a days, but old styled, indian one. He had dark hair and used to look like a typical jungle dog, though we were never scared of him.

Our neighbours dog, tina used to come our house almost everyday, she was a lovely playful dog and we were really fond of her. When neighbour got shifted some other place, while going, they asked whether we could keep tina for one week till they get settled in their new house. We happily agreed. First day was fine. But next day she stopped eating altogether. Finally our neighbours' son came to take her. It was only after seeing him that she ate something.

Once a small cute puppy came to our house. The only reason my mom allowed it was it had an understanding of 'calls of nature' and never we had to clean up. One day it vanished, god knows where. We searched a lot, but in vain.

Only once i was bitten by a dog, a pet dog, not ours. He was a very calm animal , but one fine day, he went mad, and attacked me. He bit me 4-5 places and gave lots of cuts. 3 injections. I remember two people holding my hands legs and a nurse putting a needle in my stomach. That was so horrible. The rule is you have to take 3 injections and keep watch on the dog, for one month. If nothing happens to the dog, no worry. If something happens to him, take 11 injections more!. Fortunately the dirty dog ran away only after 2 months.

Now a days i hardly see any cats here. Sometimes when when i come across, still i feel the same connection. Cats, dogs, they live a very natural life. They dont complicate life like we do. They live by their own rules, and they are more close to nature than us. I have seen animals too have attitude and they understand us. They belong to a world that is without language, without words but rich with feelings and instincts.

PS: I am dedicating this post to a cute doggie, unfortunately lost somewhere in the sands of time...
You can see it by clicking here

Monday, July 10, 2006


Photo by - Endevourme

Extracted from "The Story Of My Life", autobigraphy of Helen Keller. She was blind,deaf and dumb and movie BLACK is inspired from her...

One day, while I was playing with my new doll, Miss Sullivan put my big rag doll into my lap also, spelled "d-o-l-l" and tried to make me understand that "d-o-l-l" applied to both. Earlier in the day we had had a tussle over the words "m-u-g" and "w-a-t-e-r." Miss Sullivan had tried to impress it upon me that "m-u-g" is mug and that "w-a-t-e-r" is water, but I persisted in confounding the two. In despair she had dropped the subject for the time, only to renew it at the first opportunity. I became impatient at her repeated attempts and, seizing the new doll, I dashed it upon the floor. I was keenly delighted when I felt the fragments of the broken doll at my feet.Neither sorrow nor regret followed my passionate outburst. I had not loved the doll. In the still,dark world in which I lived there was no strong sentiment or tenderness. I felt my teacher sweep the fragments to one side of the hearth, and I had a sense of satisfaction that the cause of my discomfort was removed.
She brought me my hat, and I knew I was going out into the warm sunshine. This thought, if a wordless sensation may be called a thought, made me hop and skip with pleasure.We walked down the path to the well-house, attracted by the fragrance of the honeysuckle with which it was covered. Some one was drawing water and my teacher placed my hand under the spout. As the cool stream gushed over one hand she spelled into the other the word water, first slowly, then rapidly. I stood still, my whole attention fixed upon the motions of her fingers.Suddenly I felt a misty consciousness as of something forgotten--a thrill of returning thought; and somehow the mystery of language was revealed to me. I knew then that "w-a-t-e-r" meant the wonderful cool something that was flowing over my hand. That living word awakened my soul,gave it light, hope, joy, set it free! There were barriers still, it is true, but barriers that could intime be swept away.
I left the well-house eager to learn. Everything had a name, and each name gave birth to a new thought. As we returned to the house every object which I touched seemed to quiver with life. That was because I saw everything with the strange, new sight that had come to me. On entering the door I remembered the doll I had broken. I felt my way to the hearth and picked up the pieces.I tried vainly to put them together. Then my eyes filled with tears; for I realized what I had done,and for the first time I felt repentance and sorrow.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Drops of water...

Photo by - Endevourme

He took out the lollipop somebody had given him.
"Keep it away, You stupid ! How many times I have told you not to eat in rickshaw?, why dont you understand?", somebody shouted. Frightened... not understanding what happened... he kept the lollipop back into his pocket.This was not the first time, he thought when somebody close has scolded him.

After having food at night, he rolled out. Slowly walking along he reached the vegetable market. It was late and by this time all shops were closed. A stale rotten smell of vegetables was coming from the open gutters. He sat down. He took out the lollipop and stared at it. It was precious for him. Very few times i get a lollipop, he thought.
Big, red, sweet, wrapped in a transparent paper. Looking at it, remembering those words, a feeling of hate and bitterness came to his mind. He unfolded the wrapper. It smells so sweet ....its it is not for me.

Slowly he lowered the lollipop, moving it towards the open gutter.
Slowly...very slowly...he put that lollipop into that it slowly entered the mud, he could feel his heart slowly tearing to pieces...
am i dying ? ....he thought. He could feel warm water accumulating in his eyes. It formed a small drop of tear, and rolled out...slowly following contours of his cheek, it reached his chin...and fell...into the rubble below...

Years passed...tears kept falling...
Some day...again hurt by someone close, he was broken...sitting in the bathroom, he was sobbing.The tap was on, so that nobody should hear him. While crying alone there, he remembered what had happened years back.
And....a sudden realization struck him. I am unbreakable... 'cause I still feel the pain so intensely as I used to feel years back.
I didnt die really.... Even after all this, I didnt break....
A smile came to his face. He took a deep breath, wiped off the tears and got up to wash his face...

Monday, July 03, 2006

fleurs de lis...

Photo by - Endevourme
She was born somewhere around 1890. Got married at the age of 12, gave birth to a son. Her husband died when she was just 16, and remaining 90 years her life she spent as a widow.
And yet, she was the happiest and the most satisfied person i have ever seen.
She was ... my great-grandmother...

The immediate picture of her which comes to my mind is sitting by a window, staring at the slow drag of people passing by in the market below. Everyone of us used to call her 'aai', means mother.

She was an authority, keeping a huge combined family together. She had eyes full of kindness and used to take good care of us, kids. Sometimes she used to scold us, but we knew that it was temporary. I still remember getting 50 paisa from her for icecream-wala in the market. Because of her, our house was very particular about guests and it was understood that no guest should leave without taking food.

After her husband's death, she had to struggle for herself and her son. She started and succesfully run a small hotel, in pre independence times when it was very difficult for a woman to even work outside.
I remember the night she died. That day there was no electricity.
The house was dark, a candle was burning quietly in the corner. I was sad, but i didnt feel like crying.
There were no regrets, nothing left to be done.
She had always lived with dignity, and never wanted a life which is dependent on others.
There is one point for everything when we should quit gracefully, even
She lived a life around 105, owing to the fact that she was mentally very strong and highly balanced. Inspite of the tragedies and struggle she had to go through, she was the most satisfied and complete human being i have ever seen in my life.

My tribute to the sacred feminine....

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Nir-moh... Nir-vair...

Photo by - Endevourme

Last week, for the first time i went to Tirupati. We were five of us.
Some way, we forgot the tickets. So no darshan.
Running around for 5 hours, we were frustrated.
One of us said "GOD is busy da, we will try next time...".
A thought came to my mind,
"Well...I am not meeting HIM, OK for me.
But HE too is incomplete without me, so HE too is losing..."

Same week in my native...Palkhi is a big festival there.
Palkhi travels through my native. Around 4 lakh people come walking, along with palkhi, to meet Krishna.
Sometime in the afternoon I stepped out of our society and
...I was startled to see palkhi right in front of me!
Quietly, I stepped ahead, removed my chappals, and touched HIS feet.

I never believed in GOD in material form.
But I went to see HIM in that form,
I couldnt meet HIM,
I complained,
so HE came to meet me at my door...
I felt happy that HE understands me,
at the same time felt sad that i was so narrow minded.
Who i am? i come... i go..., hardly matters.
But at once I felt, 'HE knows...'.

I will call this whole thing a coincidence,
but the exact timing, and the way things worked out,
....well...i dont know...

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

On a rainy day...

Photo by - Endevourme

"Sir... remember me...?...", he came.
Damp, wet, muddy clothes, water in his hair.
He sat there for a moment, looked up at me , smiled, and said,
"Ganga-maiyya was a guest to us...
She stayed at our house.
She was bubbling like a married girl back to her parents house.
She danced within four walls like a child,
And how she will go empty handed ? - but my wife is still alive.
Walls have come down, nothing is left
everything we had she has taken away,
While going, as a memory, she has left tears in our eyes.
Now i am trying to go on, along with my wife ,
buiding walls again, taking out mud and clay....."

He saw my hand going towards my pocket,
he got up,... smiling.
"i dont want money Sir,
just felt some loneliness...
my home collapsed, not my pride,
just put your hand on my shoulder and say - just fight."

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Looking Forward...

Photo by - Endevourme

After a long time, I will be going on a long break,
travelling back to my native.
want to take now much needed rest,
and to get rid of this worn out feeling inside me.
Travelling gives a time to think and to reflect.
Lot of things need to be sorted out.
Somehow ... i am tired.

This weariness reminds me a song from Moulin Rouge,
where Nicole Kidman looks at us, honestly,
her eyes full with tears.
a question on her face "why me?", .....

"I follow the night
Can't stand the light
When will I beginTo live again?

One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday

What more could your Love do for me?
When will Love be through with me?
Why live life from dream to dream?
And dread the day when dreaming ends...

I was a fool to believe . . .
A fool to believe. . .
It all ends today. . .
Yes, it all ends today
Today's the day when dreaming ends... "

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Looking Back...

Photo by - Endevourme

These are scribblings from my old diary written long back.For me its like digging my own grave and bringing out myself.Warning:- The post is excessively negative!

My version of "The Matchstick Girl"-
Once upon a time there lived a matchstick girl. she was small, tender, fragile, innocent. she used to sell matchboxes to people and earn her living.
it was christmas. people were celebrating everywhere and there were lights everywhere. people were eating, enjoying cakes, drinks and icecreams with their families. everybuddy was happy.
outside, it was dark, icy and the matchstick girl had no blanket. she was shivering with cold. the day was bad and none of her boxes were sold. she had to earn to get even food for her.
she had no parents and her nanny was dead long back. the matchstick girl had no home.
after walking a lot, she saw an empty house and she entered it. the house was old and had dead remains.
she went inside and sat over the frozen ground.she started feeling too cold.
she took out a matchbox,opened it, took out a stick and scrubbed...
suddenly the four walls got lighted. the single stick gave her some warmth.
she reminded her old nanny. She used to give her cake.the cake...she saw a christmas cake on the wall.
big sweet beautiful, studded with candles, mermaiden with cherries, strawberries.
Suddenly the stick got finished..all was gone...there was utter darkness and cold,as icy as her feet.
the matchstick girl took out one more stick and lighted it. she got some more warmth.
she saw her granny. she was wearing beautiful clothes. her mom and dad... all wearing sunny clothes.
ah! now there was santa. he had lots of toys, fruits and lots of food.
again the stick went off and it was dark everywhere. she lighted another one...
...during the night it went very cold.
next morning while people were passing by the house,they saw a small girl,lying down, dead...
her face white with cold. still innocent. there were burnt sticks everywhere. still her face was cheerful, happy. her face still shining....last night, when she lit her last matchstick, suddenly a fairy appeared.
she had white gown, a magical star in her hand. she was like a princess, a goddess, just like the ones her granny used to tell in her stories. the angel came towards her, took her hand and took the girl with her.
the stick went off ...but now nothing was gone. there was light everywhere, shiny, smooth, silky, beautiful.
the angel took her and went away. now there was no cold , no darkness. her world was full of smiles, wonders,the material thingsshe always only dreamt of. it was warm, there was no pain.
the angel was holding her in her arms. she was everything, her mother, father granny,friend all things all relations she always wanted but never had. she always saw other kids enjoying and moving away with their parents, strong daddies, loving, caring mommies, nannies telling them stories, brothers and sisters to play with, friends to play she had it all. certainly god never gives you more than you can bear.
he will relieve you as soon as he feels you cannot bear it.

Thursday, June 01, 2006


Photo by - Endevourme

Being creative is being like a child.
Its how a child plays games.
It will not plan anything and there is no sophistication.
Its rather a crude thing to do, raw and unordered.
But its a fulfilling thing to do.
It fills the emptiness inside.

In creation mind is focused,
on the present moment in hand rather than the outcome.
It doesnt bother about the result,
but wants to enjoy the flow, the fluidity,
spontaneous and easiest flow of thoughts.

It flexes things, bends, assembles and breaks.
It listens to itself, listens to surrounding and
just does things which seem more appropriate to itself.

Being creative is being alone and fully connected,
immersed at the same time.
Its movement comes sometimes with originality,
otherwise as imitation from nature,
many times
guided by intution and inspired by beauty.

Friday, May 26, 2006


Photo by-Endevourme

When i feel nobody can understand me,
i make up an imaginary better half!

she gives me space.makes me feel that i am being listened.
she is not an angel, but is human,
simple , down to earth person...

she is not perfect, but is complete.
a completeness i can correlate myself with.

she listens to everything,and is always there for me.
she understands me very well.
talks to me.sometimes gives suggestions,but never bothers me.

sometimes we sit togather, side by side,
she keeps her head on my shoulders.
we speak nothing, but just listen to the silence.
feeling a complete moment.

sometimes when i am sleeping like a child,
she wakes up and looks at me.
and...somewhere in my dreams,
i feel a cool soft breeze,
loving me,soothing me.
a love...which is real.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006


Photo by-Endevourme

Some words that i like...

smile tickle butterfly giggle twinkle cherish moment
meridian composure crisp composed glide curiosity
bubble orientation leisure fabric elegence precharge
sunshine coconut essence gorgeous cute grace tranquility
blossom pure balanced dynamic pumpkin soft play deduce
affinity proportions harmony perception keen rhythm melody
percieve inherent aspect reflection seek idea enriched indeed
lavish fucused aware secure principal commencing superstructure
magnitude point ground deal sense minute delicate fragile tender
illusions painted perpetual river wind fountain sound quiet nourish
sight stimulate express clear desire render granuler fine coarse light
assure style core activate refresh impulse recipe tiny stray still soak
flush place displace move contain affection

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Silver threads...

Photo by-endevourme

When i feel lonely,
i move out...on to the roads...
trying to get mixed into the crowds...
to feel feel warm...

connecting to common people...its so easy...
they are strangers...but not completely...
they are independent...
they show that they dont need u...

but you know,
that behind this understanding,
there is a bond...
there is a wish...
a prayer ... for you...

you can see boldly into their eyes,
honestly...with no fear...
trying to reach the person behind the face.
there is so much u can see in the eyes...
sometimes hopes...
sometimes agony...
sometimes anticipation...
sometimes irritation...
sometimes joy...

i love them...
along with all these things...
trying to comfort them...
soothe them...
pacify them...
in my mind...

no need to talk to them...
these are the moments,
when words are not necessory...
and when words are not enough...

there is an understanding...
a bond,
a relationship,
which has no name...

Monday, April 17, 2006


it feels so restless...
why cant we have a stupidly simple life?
we dont really understand ourselves...
or we dont know what we want...
our real needs..

we live in an insanely complex world...
not necessory that,a person should have same desires that others have..
there is nothing abnormal in being different,being not like the crowd...

if the inner things fall in place,i am sure many other things also can as well...

there is so much of resistance,
in every step we take,
every moment we spend,
feels like we are dragging ourselves,
every moment of existance, is so much of pain.

Of course all of us have a very strong foundation.
glued by culture and togatherness.
All sorts of strange capabilities and interests,
but all scattered...fragmented...
need is to consolidate,to go more basic.
live with bare minimum needs..

plus all changes need time...
time to be...
time to heal...
and stability is required for healing.

we need to get in tune with abundance to speed it up,to recover fast.
the problem is mind goes out of control
it cant remain stable.
it runs the same old records over and over again....
negativity,its roots deep seated, buried under it,
we really cant breathe free

we all need a mechanism,
to sync.
a rugged set of rules,
to control ourselves.
we dont realize when it starts
since when we exist, this pain exists...
we dont know how we reached deep in here,
still, if we want to come out i am sure its possible...