Saturday, May 24, 2008

Numbers are not everything

Photo courtesy - Google

"One french apple cake, Please", the sentence wrooms out of my mouth and S starts getting mentally prepared for another twenty minutes of nothing- to-do-but- just-to-sit session in the cafeteria. It is crowded today and there are whirls of people moving around. There are unintelligible human voices everywhere and we have to shout to make the other one listen. S is healthy-turning-plump girl-turning-lady trying to improve her maths using arithmetic of calories. S has said a prompt 'no' to most of the eatables in the menu and is trying to eat some salad which as i found out had only boiled vegetables in it. How she manages to eat 'that' is something i will never understand and i will prefer to be fat than eating 'that'. The cake arrives and we see that there are four cherries they have put in for garnish. I nod my head towards S prompting her to taste the cake. She says,'no', rolling her round face sideways. I carefuly lift one cherry in a spoon and give it to her. She takes the cherry while trying to hide her reluctance and puts it into her mouth. Two seconds pass. She cant hide her face becoming cheerful as the sweetness spreads in her mouth. The cherry is finished, and she looks around helplessly, desperately fighting thoughts of eating more. I push the plate towards her side and her patience is lost. She picks up the spoon again and cuts a small bite. I am fighting like a kid to eat as much as i can, competing with her and simultaneously acting like a grown up not to show that i am fighting. The cake is finished and S is drowned in guilt feeling. She looks miserable but i manage to divert her attention towards a nice couple sitting there. We laugh like two college going girls and we start walking back to the office. There is a weighing machine near the door, i see that, i dont want S to feel more guilty so i try to rush ahead but after few paces i look back and i see S standing on the scale with gloomy dark clouds on her face.
Next morning i get a call from S, asking me if she can join me for jogging and,"if you can wait till i come there...?". I say OK and she arrives fifteen minutes later wearing a purchased-with- enthusiasm-but-never- worn-before tracksuit. We start. I actually dont jog but out of habit i run and being tall adds to my pace. Since it is her first time, i try to keep in pace with her so as to make her feel comfortable. She jogs awkwardly and her motion is something in between running and galloping. I try to ignore faces of people looking at us. Hardly two hundred meters and S is red in face and she is struggling for breath. I stop and make her sit. She prompts me to go ahead till the time she rests. I give a sigh of relief without showing it and finish my usual two kilometers track. When i come back i see S has made a face that looks like a lost child on a busy street. She is almost in tears and after seeing me she is actually in tears. She tries to talk but what comes out is just some strange sounds. I take her home, make her drink some orange juice. "You know asmi, i thought if i jog like you everyday i will also be like you",she says.
I didnt tell her that i dont gain weight even if i dont run for months and even if eat like a dog. Thats the way my body is. Better to keep her hope than to disappoint her. S came for jogging for a week and then stopped. She has gained a couple of pounds lately. Had she come regularly.....well.....i dont know..... :)

Monday, May 19, 2008


Photo Courtesy - Google
Place:Hotel Sheraton

People:Me, A(My hubby) and G(A's guest)

The hall looks too big even for the occasion of a party. There are few
tables, placed widely enough to give privacy. Three of us are seated at the table with me in the middle, A on my right and G on the left. Now introduction is over, the order has been fired and an unbearable period of waiting has started. Occasionally waiters in impeccable white clothes hover around with hurried quickness. Out of boredom i observe them as if i am seeing a waiter for the first time. A and G are discussing business, i nod at certain moments to show that i am listening and manage to smile when other two laugh. G is a fat man of about forty with a wife and two kids, he is wearing a suite for the occasion and a tie.
Our waiter comes back, bows a little and tells that the wine we ordered, isn't in the stock and 'if you would you like to order something else...?'.
For a few moments A is placing the order, i am looking at the waiter and i find that G is looking at me. I need not look at his face to see that, in a hurried moment he observes me, his eyes start from my face, first to make sure that i am not looking at him. Then to my hair, to lips, to the motion of my earrings, to my shoulders and following contours of my hands all the way to my wrists resting on the table. His eyes see the ring in my finger with a shining diamond in it and his glance jumps. Just at the same time A has finished placing the order and he turns to us. His face is normal and I wonder whether he has noticed. We wait for a few more minutes, for the order to be served, and during this time occasionally G's eyes rush to my hands resting on the table. This is not new to me. A typical sight, helpless begging eyes, waiting for a chance to look at beauty. I am indifferent and i choose not to care. I allow appropriate number of moments to pass and then i lift my hands off the table and keep them on my lap. I straighten myself up to keep my face away from the table. G has probably taken the clue and he prefers not to look at me again.
The lunch is over and A and myself are on our way back home. I am driving, as i always do. For a long time A is silent, rare for him on an occasion like this. "Tired?", i ask. "No", he smiles. "I love the ring i gave you Asmi, quite appropriate for an occasion like this". I look at him, my eyes wide, startled."You noticed...?", i ask."Yes i did"."Did you get angry?", i ask. "No dear, i owned you more in that one hour than i do now".

Monday, May 12, 2008

Forever & ever

Photo courtesy - Google

He comes home after a hectic trans-atlantic flight. I open the door and find him standing outside, all thinned out and sleepy. I give a sigh of relief and welcome him. Though tired, he manages to smile and tells how healthy i look like. He comes in and sits down on the sofa. His throat is dry and i give him a glass of water. He drinks slowly, trying to get our house back into his senses. "Everything looks just the same", he says. I give a silent nod. "Not that I expected something". "hmmm...I know", i reply. He smiles back. I sit next to him, on the floor and look at him closely. His face has become greasy and his shirt is crumpled. His shirt is folded at forearms and his hands are lying limply on the sides of sofa. I lift my hand from the floor and place it next to his. His masculine and strong, mine thin and delicate. "You know asmi, i want it to be always like this, just what we are now, you and me, do you understand?", he asks. I say,"i do", looking into his eyes. "For all this time, i always felt you near myself", he says."I did too dear", i reply," but I missed you terribly". A tear rolls down my cheek and he sees that. He leans down close to me , we look at each other and i see how gentle his face looks like. "Did anyone tell you that you look horrible when you cry?". That makes me laugh, "Why did you go away then?", i ask. But this is not a question, and both of us understand that.

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Haunted by dreams...

Photo by - Endevourme
Memoirs of unknown reality boil up to surface
when why how....they dont care

they live through my mind
easily and effortlessly
like ghosts living in a haunted house
they belong here, but not me

they own my mind more than i do
and my imagination helps them more than it does to me

to avoid them, i lie restless and fully awake
cause ghosts dont come during daytime,
but i know they are there somewhere
and they appear when i least expect them

fear is reigned by the unknown and the unseen
and faith seems to run away only when i need

dreams of an unseen reality start to come true
while line between dreams and reality
grows thinner and thinner...