Looking Back...

Photo by - Endevourme


These are scribblings from my old diary written long back.For me its like digging my own grave and bringing out myself.Warning:- The post is excessively negative!

My version of "The Matchstick Girl"-
Once upon a time there lived a matchstick girl. she was small, tender, fragile, innocent. she used to sell matchboxes to people and earn her living.
it was christmas. people were celebrating everywhere and there were lights everywhere. people were eating, enjoying cakes, drinks and icecreams with their families. everybuddy was happy.
outside, it was dark, icy and the matchstick girl had no blanket. she was shivering with cold. the day was bad and none of her boxes were sold. she had to earn to get even food for her.
she had no parents and her nanny was dead long back. the matchstick girl had no home.
after walking a lot, she saw an empty house and she entered it. the house was old and had dead remains.
she went inside and sat over the frozen ground.she started feeling too cold.
she took out a matchbox,opened it, took out a stick and scrubbed...
suddenly the four walls got lighted. the single stick gave her some warmth.
she reminded her old nanny. She used to give her cake.the cake...she saw a christmas cake on the wall.
big sweet beautiful, studded with candles, mermaiden with cherries, strawberries.
Suddenly the stick got finished..all was gone...there was utter darkness and cold,as icy as her feet.
the matchstick girl took out one more stick and lighted it. she got some more warmth.
she saw her granny. she was wearing beautiful clothes. her mom and dad... all wearing sunny clothes.
ah! now there was santa. he had lots of toys, fruits and lots of food.
again the stick went off and it was dark everywhere. she lighted another one...
...during the night it went very cold.
next morning while people were passing by the house,they saw a small girl,lying down, dead...
her face white with cold. still innocent. there were burnt sticks everywhere. still her face was cheerful, happy. her face still shining....last night, when she lit her last matchstick, suddenly a fairy appeared.
she had white gown, a magical star in her hand. she was like a princess, a goddess, just like the ones her granny used to tell in her stories. the angel came towards her, took her hand and took the girl with her.
the stick went off ...but now nothing was gone. there was light everywhere, shiny, smooth, silky, beautiful.
the angel took her and went away. now there was no cold , no darkness. her world was full of smiles, wonders,the material thingsshe always only dreamt of. it was warm, there was no pain.
the angel was holding her in her arms. she was everything, her mother, father granny,friend all things all relations she always wanted but never had. she always saw other kids enjoying and moving away with their parents, strong daddies, loving, caring mommies, nannies telling them stories, brothers and sisters to play with, friends to play with.now she had it all. certainly god never gives you more than you can bear.
he will relieve you as soon as he feels you cannot bear it.